Broken chains left us mentally shackled

So as often as I can remember I've been hearing "Crab in a barrel syndrome" and according to the URBAN DICTIONARY - it's "A syndrome where a group of like situated people hurt those in their community attempting to get ahead.  Often this is applied to people in an impoverished community where one person is starting to get ahead. The collective community becomes jealous or filled with a sense of self-loathing, so they find a way to pull that person back down to the community's level.

When harvesting crab, the crab as a group will pull down any crab that starts to climb out of the barrel in an attempt to be the first out of the barrel that holds them in, hence crabs-in-a-barrel."

Each time I hear this term it is somehow applied to a situation involving "black people" for the purposes of this post "black people" is defined as descendants of Africa - a continent with people who were first enslaved by an idiot who sailed to their country in "the good ship Jesus".  Now, please don't take offense at my use of the term "black people", as this is used liberally based on the fact that I am black myself and I wouldn't have it any other way, so my use of it holds no contempt.

Now by definition above often "impoverished community types" are crabs in a barrel.  Now from a personal point of view, funny enough in the barrel where I was contained (grew up), none of the crabs seemed to have had claws or not very strong ones used for pulling anyway......my theory is that my fellow crabs didn't think anyone would get out so why bother fighting, or maybe it was because they were actually delighted that some crabs would climb out  or even try and maybe they thought it was better for some to be saved. I don't really have an answer for this but all I know is that I was very much aware of the situation of "crab-in- a barrel" but I didn't experience it then.

As a matter of fact my first understanding of the term was experienced in the Corporate world where ties make the best facade and high heels and mini skirts make the best weapons.  I realized that the barrel is not as narrow as an impoverished community and it comes in many shapes and forms and can no longer be viewed as a poor mentality.  My personal explanation of this is that though we are no longer slaves, we are still not free, broken chains has left some of us mentally shackled.  We are not empowered men and women who can live without validation and praise, so sometimes we confuse our bosses with good "ole masa"  and many of us throw down our morals and pull down our colleagues for that elusive promotion or pay raise.   Slavery is defined in Webster's dictionary as the submission of a person to a dominating influence.  If this is so then "brown nosers" under the influence of authority may be regressing to the mental state that our forefathers fought so hard to change.

Birthdays

I've learnt that the most special thing about a birthday is to wake up and pinch yourself because you are still here. It's the feeling of gratitude that you are still alive and its a gift. You didn't earn it, God allowed it and not because of anything you've done. The other thing is knowing that I have a 24hr friend, so "HE's" always awake at 2am, no appointments necessary and no mat...ter how rough it gets he never leaves me hanging! He created me though and he knows "I have to feel, and see and touch" it's apart of that deeper connection he's blessed me with in this life and so he has provided me with awesome people so I won't miss out on the hugs and the kisses, and a kind word to take me through each year......I've discovered that getting older is a myth because I still "laugh" and "play" as much as I did in high school, and no amount of learning while living can ever prepare me for life......I'm in my 30s and still can't comprehend what's meant by "95% fat free or turkey ham" so birthdays don't necessarily make you smarter.......I've learnt that dreaming is a youth serum and smiling is all the vitamins you need. I've learnt facebook friends are "Real" friends too and that job applications are getting "weirder" each day with the changes in technology, you don't need a degree just a nice linkedin pic. With each Birthday comes a wave of reflection, what you did right, or wrong and where you're going next, for me I've made uncountable mistakes. I've learnt that only one thing is sure in this life "death" and so I live everyday as if it is my last (exploring, changing, doing everything I said I wanted to do since I could read). Though I hope to live until I am 100, so I can test a theory I want to prove:), I know it's by his will. Finally, I've learnt that once you realize that "Special thing" about a birthday you will come to the conclusion that birthdays are not for you:) you see God made you so you could share yourself with the world, give of yourself, encourage someone, love someone, touch lives (friends & family) included. Sometimes I forget this:( but on Birthdays I always remember.

Positivity Fast (Day 3) - You are not your environment

Day 3: 

So it's day 3 of what I lovingly call A "Positivity Fast." But it's not  without some guidance from God and so this morning I woke up with this quote "I dare not mesh with my environment lest I lose who I truly am."  Knowing yourself is a big part of maintaining your confidence and it helps you in being able to grow where you are planted.   I know many people struggle with where they are, and where they think they should be, it might be a job, it might be your studies or even your relationship, but remember that everything has a season, but in all seasons no matter what the circumstances you can bear fruits, fruits as described  in Galatians 5: 22-23 But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, forbearance, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control.

So though you think you are in a DRY (depleted, drained, hard)  season, it's only for a time, and you don't have to be likened to that environment you can push forth that abundance you want to see in your life, starting with tapping into God's abundance of peace.

Remind yourself "My environment does not define who I am....."

Testimony of Pupose

If you missed this New Year's Service at FHL 2012, boy did you miss out on something inspiring, the Praise & Worship team was awesome (Go worship team), and the sermon was deep---the Topic was Embracing Your Script in the Narrative of God's Eternal Purpose.  So I got to thinking that I'd like to share something with you, it’s my "secret life list", not everybody has one but back then I thought everyone needed one.  And boy was my list Bold, I wanted to:  (1) Never be defined by where I grew up (Good old Waterhouse – I couldn’t wait to move), (2) Visit Europe (so I've been to England, Wales, and Germany - and passed through Switzerland).  (3) Own a Business (started a few - settled with two).   (4) Work in an Advertising Agency (yup).  (5) Volunteer when I can ---should include developing people (seems I’ve been doing this all my life).  (6) Have some once in a lifetime moments----So I was the only black person living in a town in Newbury, and one of two black women working in a company of over 500, I ironed my pants with a spoon and got to Meet Richard Bronson (no not because I ironed my pants with a spoon).  And the list goes on, I’ve ticked a few and missed a few and there are others I’ve not yet achieved, like I’ve always wanted to write a book and have several incomplete ones on my PC but I haven’t stumbled across that perfect storyline yet, funny I cannot finish a book but I LOVE to write, from poems, to quotes to songs.......we’ll get back to this.

Okay so those are the good bits.  In 2005, I moved to Trinidad, and it seemed that for someone who always “had it together” everything was falling apart, my secret life list was all crumpled up, I got great job offers but there was always some lunatic battling with low self esteem making my life hell, my great ideas for businesses just seemed to not be working out, I ended up working 16 hour days, with no pay, high levels of stress and debt.  In 2008 God found me and I have to say he found me because even after receiving the “Gift of the Holy Spirit” I still did not get baptized and if anything life seemed to get harder, 2009-2010 seemed to be a daily battle I felt like I was getting physical blows, even though I couldn't see the person inflicting them and those wounds I received were deeper that anyone could imagine.  Then it dawned on me I've made a secret life list that did not include God, he had found me but I didn't find him, I was so embarrassed by this reality.  Amidst everything that was going on, I also realized that slowly I had been losing my laughter, that smile that my family and friends had come to know, losing my joy they call it, I could no longer give good advice or uplift anyone since I was begging for some myself, boy was I bitter.  

John 15:16   “You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you that you should go and bear fruit and that your fruit should abide, so that whatever you ask the Father in my name, he may give it to you.”   So for the sake of a happy heart I relinquished my hold on what I still believed was my life at the time.  I caved into going to Church (I love you FHL).  But the walk was nothing I imagined, I started hearing God’s voice, he actually speaks to me, he whispers, he comforts and trust me when I say you've never been hugged until you've been hugged by God, you've never been loved until you've felt the love of the Holy Spirit.  After being baptized we started speaking more frequently, the conversations were no longer one sided and I began to revel in our new found relationship, we don’t always agree and sometimes I have trust issues, but prayer always helps with this.  I’m learning lessons of submission & obedience hard lessons for a “ Field-Marshall” who is accustomed to leading in this life.  So slowly, and this is not what I’m used to, I began walking towards another purpose, a greater, higher purpose ---- Proverbs 16:9 The heart of man plans his way, but the Lord establishes his steps.

“So you see that gift of accomplishing a set vision, the we can do anything attitude, the ability to rally the troops, turn concepts into reality, he gave those gifts to me for my role in the narrative of HIS Eternal Purpose”.  I haven’t quite figured out the entire process yet, but I know it’s towards Evangelism in a creative way, I’m at the birthing stage, but unlike a natural human pregnancy this stage may go on for some time, but having my laughter return is enough to make me want to walk bravely towards God’s plans for me.  This year I’ll be doing my first book called “My Mini Motivator” kinda cheesy, but quite fitting for the content.  It’s a small, pocket sized book that keeps you going (can’t say much more).  I’ll be closing the doors on plans made without God’s consent and aligning myself with God’s purpose, it will not be easy (there are so many ideas).   Jeremiah 29:11 “For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

I leave you with this, my husband always says “It doesn't have to be a lesson learnt, it can be a lesson understood,”  I’m sharing this with you so that if you are currently going through hardship, making plans and seeing them fall apart you can stop and think about my lesson.  Isaiah 14:27 For the Lord of hosts has purposed, and who will annul it? His hand is stretched out, and who will turn it back?  So my friends and family are you walking in or towards God’s eternal Purpose?  Pastor shared these texts  Luke 1-2, Ephesians 1-3, reflect, search, and if purpose has already found you stop fighting it just submit, trust me it will be nothing you've imagined.

It's a strange life!

It's a strange life....... the judgement cast without knowing the reality of a situation, the bar that people use as the measure of success or "arrival", the delusion that happiness is somehow eternal, the obscurity of true friendship and a fan club......It's a strange life, Live it the best u can even if you are confused:)

When dreams bite you in the butt!

So on Friday, May 25th, 2012  I resigned my job as an Account Executive.  Though I had to deal with the many changing personalities of my reporting manager this was not the most pressing reason for the short-lived adventure at one of the undoubtedly most talented agencies in the region.  No, no no, my flight from what I so lovingly term the "twighlight zone" is something more compelling and can only be described as an "Epiphany" though I wonder how many of these I would have to endure before realizing that  my dreams will always haunt me until they are reality and also that I am not cut from the employee fabric which is used to fashion so many diligently designed personalties with no pattern or flair for the unknown.  

So here I go trodding, plodding, and by no means cautiously stepping towards that which makes me fulfilled, at ease and at peace.  So let's list what my future holds......a closer relationship with God, charity (both the giving and the loving Kind), reading, writing, painting, strategizing, developing, changing (a must have) travelling and some language and singing lessons! Phew....that's a lot but I will do it on "my" (no other human being's) terms and as part of God's purpose for my life. 

So those thoughts that wake me up at nights, that inkling that something is not quite right and those ideas I keep turning around in my head but always too busy to action I just want to say thanks for biting me in the butt!!!!